Last night was really the first time I’d had a chance to sit down with my sister to talk about my engagement to Ayana…or the first time I’d had the courage. As Anca is my only real family, or at least the only family I have contact with, I felt it was important to ask how she feels about the situation.
I don’t know what I expected from Anca, she’s young but not an innocent and certainly not a ‘shrinking violet’. She expressed a few concerns.
Mostly she’s concerned about how quickly it happened. It’s true we only knew each other a matter of weeks before our betrothal and we were in the throws of a great passion. I assured Anca that in our intimate, alone time, we spoke at length about the implications, both to the two of us and to Anca and Fawn. I assured Anca that a considerable amount of thought had gone into the nature of our relationship and how it might affect the little family we’ve become, Anca, Fawn and me.
Anca surprised me by expressing a concern about the open nature of our relationship too. She has a quaint ideal, it transpires, of what a committed relationship is. She holds the concept of a couple, once together, forsaking the physical, sexual company of others. I reminded her of my past, an open book to her, and of the nature of my sexuality. Neither Ayana nor I feel the desire or ability to confine ourselves to one another’s bodies alone. Perhaps if Ayana resided permanently in the same city as me it could be possible to devote ourselves to ourselves, physically. But she travels a lot, she is away more than she is here, and neither she nor I feel the desire or need to refrain from sex while apart. So, we are committed to each other for the long term, for life is such a thing is possible, but we are free to share our bodies as we desire. At present we do not share our bodies when we are together in the same city, but even that could change if we choose. The point is that we live this way through an agreed set of personal rules, and if we wish to change them, we shall discuss any changes and decide together. We’re partners albeit in an unconventional style.
Anca is also concerned about how Ayana may react to the desire I have for receiving pain, and the injuries, albeit minor, I receive. Ayana is not one to inflict pain or to give it if I ask, I know that, I accept that. I have spoken to her about my desires in that area. She admits a certain distaste for it but she’s told me that if it is something deeply held in my heart and it is a part of who I am, then she accepts it as a part of me, as she accepts all of me as her partner.
Anca has some concerns about Ayana’s ex-lover with whom she still has contact and indeed fucks, when she is in London. (I mentioned it to Anca). I assured her that Ayana has assured me, that nothing more than sex is going on there. I trust her as she trusts me.
The final concern Anca has it my D.I.D. She is worried that it could interfere with the relationship if one of my identities ascends to dominance, even for a short time, and I break my promise regarding men and fucking. I have spoken to Ayana about that also and she accepts it as a possibility, As long as I see my therapist regularly and do my best to control those forces within me, she can accept transgressions. She is not happy about the possibility but she does accept it. It happened only once since our committing to one another and I hope it does not happen again.
So, Anca has concerns but she likes Ayana though she’s taking some time to fully take to her. In time, I believe, we will all be a close family of four, bound by love, as it should be in my opinion.
