As you know, I am presently in hospital. The woman I was engaged to decided to leave and I had an adverse reaction to that occurrence. As it is important to remain calm, I shall not elucidate further on that topic at the moment.
Of some concern to me is a recent increase in the severity of my O.C.D. (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) behaviours. While my usual expressions of O.C.D. manifest in close attention to detail, with occasional ‘spikes’ in ‘too close’ attention to those details, I have found, since being confined here, that I now find myself unable to detach from more ritualized behaviours, typical of those sufferers of my condition.
I find myself obsessed with precision, examples of which follow:
- I am bothered by cleanliness, or lack of it, especially on the part of those who attend me
- I wash my hands after I touch anything I have not touched within the last few minutes, e.g. my bathroom door handle, my pillow, blanket, pajamas (which I am made to wear despite my strongly expressed desire not to wear anything), a cup, a water pitcher, and other objects in my room
- I switch the light on and off three times (three times is the correct number) when I go to sleep or when I rise, or when I use the bathroom
- when I walk past the bed I touch the bed-rail three times (three times is the correct number)
- Before I eat, I count to nine (that is three times three, three is the correct number)
- whenever I mentioned three (three is the correct number) I must say or write, three is the correct number
- there are three (three is the correct number) websites I must look at whenever I switch on the computer
- Whenever i use the toilet i must clean it thoroughly with a new cloth, then i must shower to wash myself because my piss and my shit is dirty and it must be removed completely, no trace must remain
There are some more but if I tell you it will complete the set and to complete the set would mean that everything is over and I do not want everything to be over. Too many things end and ending is not good.
I apologize that I have become agitated. I must remain calm for my health and for the good of others with whom I interact. Calm is important. The heart must be still for life to be good.
Love to all my friends, Nina.
Hi lovely Nina!
I’m so sorry to hear about you (ansn yours), and your hospital stay. (I’ve been there, done that – TWICE.)
About OCD. An old university buddy and roommate suffered from OCD decades ago. We’re still buddies, decades later.
Back then, Mike was just a loveable, talented geek – we overlooked his OCD.
It did weird out one of the girlfriends in our circle, however – she was sensitive and attuned to his hand washing rituals getting out of control…tens and tens of times each day! Up to a hundred. A huge investment of time. And a waste.
It was a counting thing for him, too. But ‘counting’ became his ultimate career specialty as well. Go figure!
In the early 1980s, only behavioral therapy existed to help with OCD. We just waited it out. It took time, but Mike’s life became better.
Like you (it seems), the worsening OCD was related to romantic failure. The stress perhaps left mike to divert his mind to ritual detail and recall.
As it happens, behavioral therapy would not have been much help, because Mike is also (wee learn in last decade) a classic Aspie” (ie, Aspergers syndrome). These are people who resemble Mr Spock from the old original Star Trek series. They are natural born geeks and nerds; I had three girl friends who were Aspies, despite the rareness of females with this problem.
Talk therapy doesn’t work for Aspies.
It turns out that complications for Aspies are common, and Mike suffers ADD. Stratera has become his friend! (Stratera is a stimulant like Ritalin.)
This allows Mike the statistics professor to be more in contact with students, following along with them better. And regular friends too. His wife deserves credit for seeing him thru to diagnosis and treatment.
OCD plus ADD plus an Aspie, is a good combination for making the first worse. Plus, OCD tends to maximize out (and become its worst) when we are young.
The moral of the story? IT may be complicated, but there is real help for almost all identifiable psychological and psychiatric problems – some more than others.
Fortunately, OCD is in the “more” treatable category!
So hang in there, Nina. IT will bet better for you.
Love,
Orson
Denver, USA
OCD has been with me for a while but I never recognized it much before this recent confinement. If it can go away or at least be reduced that would be the greatest pleasure. I realize a lot of my time is taken up with counting and ensuring things are as I want them to be. I guess all that early abuse had to come out in some ways. That and my D.I.D. make life ‘interesting’ and sometimes dangerous for me. With the help of my therapist I hope to at least reduce their effect on me and live some kind of regular life.
Love, Nina.